


Final Applause

by Avialle



Category: Unwind Dystology - Neal Shusterman, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Angst and Drama, Angst and Romance, Comfort/Angst, Crossover, Deku Is Just A Normal Teen, Katsuki Bakugou Is A Clapper, M/M, Unwind AU, au is explained in the story, i love this au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 05:52:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17934083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avialle/pseuds/Avialle
Summary: Katsuki is tired of running away and decides to truly make his presence felt in a world, he never wanted to be born into. He has nothing left to lose and one thing is for sure: When he leaves, he leaves with a boom!--Or: After losing everything, Katsuki decides to become a clapper. But what if someone makes him think twice?





	Final Applause

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!  
> This au is based on the Unwind dystology, written by Neal Shusterman. You don't need to know about the books to read this story, because all important things are explained. But I recommend you to also read the books, if you don't know about them!  
> I love this au, it's unique and special and makes you question many things. I always wanted to write something based on it and now I finally had an idea! 
> 
> So thank you for reading this! This one means a lot to me!

On the face of it, it was a harmless gesture. Nothing meaningful or world-shaking.  
After all, you just put your hands together.

It was just a _clap._

A long time ago, when the world had been a better place – or at least not as fucked up and sick as today – it even had been a sign of acknowledgement or praise. Something positive. But nowadays? People were scared. Panicked, when someone lifted their hands too fast. Clapping was even prohibited on public events. Quite rightly. You never knew what a single clap could cause, placed at the right time and place and circumstances.

Katsukis time and place was right here and now.  
He wasn’t scared. Of anything. Had seen too much. Lost too much. Well, that’s why he was standing here right now. Because there was nothing left to lose, but still something he could gain.

Even with his last breath he would put his middle finger high up in the sky, grinning full of victory. Right into the shitty face of this fucked up world. He would show them all, what he thought about this abnormal regime. And he would leave just the way he always imagined: With a loud, explosive bang. Something people would remember.

Admittedly: He never thought it would happen like that. He used to think of this shit as utterly insane and a useless waste of viral energy. Literally. But here and know things were different. Here and now he was walking over this crowded, public square, surrounded by countless office complexes; and he could nearly feel the explosive liquid rushing through his veins. Because here and now, he was one of _them._ A _clapper._ Ready to end everything with a few claps. His life. And the lives of countless other people.

In his past life, _before_ everything turned into shit, he even had known a clapper. Well, fleetingly. Some dwarf from fifth grade he barely ever noticed. A mere thirteen years old. What needed to happen, for a thirteen years old kid joining one of the most infamous terror organization of the whole damn country? For ending its life with a clap of his hands, to activate the explosive liquid in his blood?

Back then, Katsuki didn’t know the answer to it. Today, he did.

He and countless of other teens born into this world, where youth wasn’t the best time of a lifespan, but rather the worst. If you were between thirteen and eighteen, your parents could decide to have a _retroactive abortion_. No shit. Well, officially you weren’t allowed to call it like that, because abortions were forbidden. Instead, _unwinding_ was a thing now.

Unwinding was the fancy term for reusing all parts of the human body. Yes. _All parts._ Legs. Arms. Eyes. Inner organs. Parts of the brain. You get the idea. Kinda like recycling, but instead of plastic bottles, teenagers were used. The brilliant justification behind all of it? It wasn’t murder, when all of your body parts were given to other people. Technically, your life didn’t end. It was just a different way of being. Divided. Ingenious logic, wasn’t it?

It had been the solution to all problems. Thanks a fucking lot, oh mighty gods of medical progression, for discovering how to transplant all parts of the human body to another one! And standing ovations please, for lovely, fucked up human kind, for still being the most stupid force in the whole universe! It was the shittiest idea since the invention of the damn atomic bomb! And proof, that some things better remained unknown.

It wasn’t, that the _unwind accord_ only brought bad news though. It finally ended the fierce civil war between supporters of abortion on the one hand and opponents on the other hand. Unwinding sounded like the perfect solution for both sides of the coin, because now you could wait and see how your child developed, before you could decide to abort it – pardon, _unwind_ it. What a shame, if your brat wasted all its potential by disobeying again and again or something. If parents couldn’t handle it anymore, unwinding was always an option! There were many people out there, who would treasure a pair of skilled hands way more than a lazy teen drinking and having fun with friends, instead of working their ass off. And hey, even youth crime wasn’t a thing anymore! Delinquent teens had been unwound en masse and boom, suddenly they were socially acceptable again! So forget about expensive programs for resocialization, unwinding was the brand new shit to save the world and make it a better place! Hooray!

Awesome. No way in hell, there were some bastard-parents, who would take advantage of it. Not a single, fucking chance, that some motherfucker would unwind their child, because of something stupid like their gender. Or because they showed any form of a free will and didn’t want to become a racing driver, to fulfil daddy’s dream. Or because some family member needed a brand-new arm (Katsuki had heard a lot of sick bullshit reasons for unwinding and he was damn sure, there was a lot more).

Nothing but a single signature of your parents was needed to spell doom for you. Or a faked signature, when you considered Katsukis case.

Back in his past life, he had caused some trouble, because this batshit elite school annoyed the heck out of him. He knew he was better than anyone else and easily earned good grades, so why waste his time with homework? And allow some shitty loser to diss him? Over his dead body! A shithead of his parallel class had dared to fuck with him. Neito Monoma. Textbook example for a blond snot of the type all bark and no bite. So Katsuki maybe had shut this loser in his locker, to teach him a damn lesson! Cause _no one_ fucked with him! Problem was, the parents of this shithead weren’t amused. Nor was the headmaster.

They urged his parents to sign an unwinding-ordinance. ‘Katsuki was disobedient and stained the school’s reputation and this time he went too far. There was so much potential, but it was wasted because he couldn’t keep his temper.’ Just because he wasn’t afraid to speak up and refused to blindly follow every stupid order!  
His parents refused. Of course, they did. Just because je fought nearly every day with his dragon of a mom, didn’t mean she was a shitty parent. Neither was his dad. They were good parents. Not the crappy ones, who signed an unwind order when facing the smallest amounts of difficulties. But this hadn’t been enough. Neitos family had enough money and influence, to pull the necessary strings. Katsuki always thought it wasn’t that easy. You needed to investigate all the circumstances before you decided something like that, shouldn’t you? But no one did. No one asked his parents. Because this was the easiest way to deal with the likes of him. People who possibly could cause trouble for the system. Just unwind them. Problem solved.  

Lucky him, that this shithead Neito never knew when to shut up. He warned Katsuki implicitly. Grinning confidently, he stated that he contrived ways and means to always get what he wants. Katsuki better started say goodbye to everyone at school, because tomorrow the policing of juveniles would come and get him.

Normally, he didn’t give a single shit about that bastard’s talking, but this time he had been cautious. He had packed some stuff and spent the night at the place of his ‘fav’ bullying-victim, because no one would expect him to be there. The next day, his parents sent him a cryptical message. An apology mixed with an order to never come back home. It was their way to try to protect him.

Back then, he had become an _unwind._ A teen, who wasn’t his own person anymore, but property of the state. Someone who was supposed to be unwound. 

And today, seven months later, he was standing here. Ready to end his own life. Being fifteen years old.

  
He was tired of playing hide and seek. Didn’t want to run away anymore. Hope to somehow survive until he was eighteen, because persons of full age weren’t allowed to be unwound anymore. Nothing but imprisonment could happen to him after that. But why try and bother?

This world never wanted him. And now the only person who ever made this place something like worthy to live wasn’t here anymore… so there was no motivation for him to go on. Well, not really at least. Named person had been unwound illegally, even though he never had been an _unwind._ He ‘lived’ now in a divided state, apportioned to different people. And the fucking worst of it? It was Katsukis fault and his alone.

  
What would he say, if he knew Katsuki had become a clapper…? He of all people.

The blond shook his head, but couldn’t deny a small smile full of wistfulness. Kinda strange, how some things changed.

If someone told him in his former live, he would contemplate about what _Deku_ was thinking one day, he had laughed them down – or trash them for implying something like that.

Deku.  
Firstly, his childhood-friend. Then his number one bullying victim. Later his unexpected salvation, when Katsuki had become an _unwind._ And finally… his _everything._ The one worth fighting for. The one he l- 

  
Katsuki grimaced. Thinking about him hurt. Way more than he would ever admit. More than he could bear.

At times, in the weak moments he always would deny, he had examined his fellows. Had searched for the remarkable green of those eyes, he got lost in so often. Those eyes, he just wanted to see one last time… but only seconds later, the mere thought made him sick.

He should have refused to get Deku involved from the very beginning. Should have muddle through on his own and not allow this damn nerd to follow him, even though it had nothing to do with him! But Deku always had been like that. Meddled with other people’s business and felt the urge to help any damn person on this planet. Even Katsuki, who had treated him like dirt back then! Still the nerd had been on the spot immediately. He had told Katsuki of a place to go. A place, where people gathered to fight against this sick system. A refuge for fleeing _unwinds._ And Deku had accompanied him. Because they had been friends, _best friends…_ and because a former friend of the nerd had left to go there a long time ago and he wanted to make sure, if he was still alive.

So they had set off together. It had annoyed the hell out of him, but he had needed Deku. In order to survive. Katsuki never thought, he would need him in a different way one day… because over time, a faint bond formed between them. A bond of trust and guilt and love and never healing scars. A bond, he never had managed to figure out completely.

He still remembered the first kiss, Katsuki never had thought to even want it. Back then on their journey, when they decided an abandoned field was a good place for a night shelter. There had been stars and the night sky and all this cheesy shit that made people say and do things, they normally wouldn’t. Night had its own kind of magic. With a hushed voice Deku admitted, that he secretly always had hoped they could become friends again… and Katsuki had remained silent. Insecure as he always had been, Deku had begun to apologize hectically, because he probably thought he went too far. And still Katsuki had remained silent. And suddenly Deku had asked the thing, the blond never wanted to think about. It was a whispered ‘Why’. Why all the hate. Why the bullying. Why the betrayal.

Katsuki had wanted to tell him, it was because Deku had managed to be admitted to the same elite school as him. That it had pissed him off royally, because he had wanted to be the only one out of his elementary school to be accepted there. That he had wanted to pay Deku back for that. That suddenly _everything_ about him had annoyed him like hell.

Instead, Katsuki had looked at him though. And suddenly he had known what he had to do. The kiss was a question, as much as it was an answer. Katsuki had just been as surprised as Deku. But after it, he never asked again.

  
All of it happened so long ago, that it seemed to origin from a different life.  
Probably a good sign. Made things easier. Made letting go easier.

  
The blonde exhaled deeply. Examined his hands. He just needed to clap and it would be over. Easy and fast. Boom, and he was gone. He and some of these jerks, earning their money with unwinding. He stood in front of a headquarter of the policing of juveniles. The ones who brought _unwinds_ to the harvest camps. Yes, _harvest_ -fucking- _camps._ Where teens were divided properly. Where there body parts were _harvested._ As if it were damn apples you picked from a tree!

But harvesting sounded way more harmless, than dismembering. Was better for ones conscience, because it wasn’t a bad thing, but something totally natural.

Katsuki clenched his fists, to somehow try to regulate his anger. The brutal anger, dwelling deep inside, he had tried to keep under control up till now. But he _was_ fucking mad! Mad at the whole damn world! And now he wouldn’t restrain it anymore.

  
He took a glance to the right. There was a small spot bathed in sunlight. With a victorious smile, he made his way to it. Yes. It felt good and right. The perfect place to do it.

Katsuki closed his eyes. The wind softly tickled his nose. The rays of sunshine felt warm on his skin. And suddenly there was Dekus laughter. The hidden radiance in his eyes, when he carefully took Katsukis hand. The feeling of his soft skin under the blonde’s fingertips. The taste of his lips, telling tales of hope and a bright future.

He raised his hand. Inhaled. Exhaled. And –

“Kacchan…?”

  
He froze. Eyes wide open. His heart skipped a beat, only to fasten seconds later. 

No. No, it _couldn’t_ be. There was only one single person who called him like that. Only one single person with this voice.  
He had heard of the myths. That some body parts showed peculiarities of their former owners. A hand that belonged to a skilled painter in the past, could still draw beautiful paintings when given to a new person. The muscle memory remained intact. But… his nickname? It was impossible. Even if someone received his vocal cords –

Oh fuck. _Fuck!  
_The mere thought made him sick and it was hard to _not_ throw up immediately. He wasn’t a damn sissy, but this was the peak of fucked up perversion. Before he could think about what to do with this information though, someone showed up in front of him.

“Kacchan! It’s you… it’s really you…” Tears were showing in the green eyes of his counterpart and he clapped his hands over his mouth full of awe. He looked at Katsuki, like a castaway would regard the saving shore.

And still Katsuki could do nothing but stare. No. It was… _impossible.  
_It was Deku, standing in front of him. The same mop curly green hair. The same eyes full of hope. The same tiny freckles. The same soft pair of lips. Not a single limb was missing. He was standing in front of him. In once piece. Not unwound.

_Alive._

How…?  
They had caught him. Both of them! Parts pirates. Make a list of the biggest jerks out there and these pieces of shit will be at the bottom of it! They didn’t just caught fleeing _unwinds_ to sell them at the black-market, no: when they found a teen with a rare feature, they didn’t care if it was illegal or not. If it was an _unwind_ or some innocent boy, whose only fault was the fact, that he had green eyes.  
So they took both of them and sold them to a harvest camp.

Katsuki had spent every damn minute to come up with a plan to somehow get Deku out of this place, he didn’t belong to! And never would. In vain.  
And he still remembered every, torturing detail of the moment, when they came to get Deku. Katsuki had tried to defend him with tooth and nail. Had screamed that he wasn’t a damn _unwind._ In the end, they narcotized him. When the blond woke up, he was told that his own unwinding had been accelerated. He had two days left and didn’t care at all. He cared about nothing anymore.

Still he survived. It was sheer luck he didn’t even ask for. Some _unwinds_ complotted a revolt and the harvest camp burned down to the core. Given other circumstances, he would have been at the frontline – but back than it didn’t mean anything to him. Nothing did anymore. 

Deku had been unwound, while he could go on and live his shitty life. How the fuck was this fair? In which goddamn world?

And in spite of it all… Deku was standing in front him.

  
“Kacchan…” Deku repeated his name and lowered his hands. He gave Katsuki a tormented, an unbelieving, an overjoyed smile, while he was about to run towards him – and suddenly it hit Katsuki, what he was doing here right now. _Why_ he was here.

“Fuck – stay right were you are!” he said more roughly and especially more panicky, as intended. Katsuki _didn’t_ panic. Ever. Well. Normally he didn’t. But normality wasn’t a part of his life anymore.

Deku stopped full of surprise and his widened. He seemed confused. And kind of hurt. Of course. It always had been a cakewalk to make him insecure and Katsuki knew it was partly his fault.

But he had to ignore this whiff of a bad conscience, as well as the ton of questions, rushing through his mind all at the same time. With ‘ _How the fuck is this possible?’_ leading the way. It didn’t matter. The only important thing was, that he _was_ here. Alive. Shit. He was alive… and Katsuki a living bomb.

Even when facing death, his life didn’t fail to show its sick humor.  


“It’s – dangerous to be near me, okay?” Katsuki stated as calm as possible. But how the fuck should he be calm, knowing that a single, wrong move could make him explode – literally – with Deku standing right in front of him?

“Dangerous…?” Deku repeated and examined him frowning. Katsuki avoided his gaze. He didn’t want him to know. Why he was here. What he was about to do. Well, _had_ been about to do, because this wasn’t designated to happen! Deku suddenly appearing in front of him. Fuck! Why was life so damn… cruel?

And why was this nerd still too smart for his own damn good? Shit was, that Deku always had had this annoying talent to notice things, most people didn’t. So of fucking course he noted his shaking hands, Katsuki still had stretched out in front of him. A side effect of the liquid explosive flowing cheerily through his veins. As well as the fact, that he was a bit too warmly dressed. Clappers needed to cushion themselves in order to not explode at the wrong place.

Deku went pale when realization hit him. “No…,” he whispered. Immediately, there was the worry line on his forehead Katsuki used to make fun of, to leaven the atmosphere when necessary. “I mean, I was told you joined the clappers, but I thought – well, this is – it’s just one of your ticks, isn’t it…? You didn’t…”

Solicitation showed in his eyes, as if he wanted Katsukis conformation. That Katsuki just pretended to. Tch. As if he ever would half-ass something.

Katsuki looked into his eyes and shook his head. “No. I – ” He dropped his gaze. Pathetic, but true. “Sorry, Deku. I thought… you’re dead.” He smiled full of bitterness and remorse. Shook his head unbelievingly, because all of this was so damn surreal, and it tore him apart to think about it too much. About this sick irony.

“I’m sorry,” Deku replied with a pained smile. As if it was his fault. As if he was the one who should be sorry for anything. “I didn’t want to… maybe worry you.” Shamefacedly he looked to the ground. Katsuki blinked at him full of disbelieve.

Maybe? That he _maybe (!?)_ worried about him? If the situation wasn’t deadly serious, he would have rushed to the nerd and churn him until he understood _what_ he actually was to him. Not, that Katsuki ever named it.

“I was shamelessly lucky,“ Deku explained despite Katsukis latent pissy mood, because sometimes this nerd was so damn… stupid! “Shortly before I… was supposed to be unwound…” He paused and it was clear how the memories still afflicted him. “One if the doctors persisted to check my data again. Apparently, not all of them wanted to unwind a illegally bought teenager. They discussed it… and in the end, majority was against. That it isn’t right. That I… am allowed to live.” Deku tried to smile bravely, but it didn’t work.

Katsuki wanted to put his arms around him. Tell him, that everything would be all right. That he never would have to face something so scary again. That he wouldn’t allow that something happened to Deku ever again. Und that Katsuki was thankful. So goddamn thankful and happy like never before in his crappy life.

But he stayed where he was. Kept all his thoughts and feelings to himself. He couldn’t be an egoistic asshole anymore. Couldn’t jeopardize Deku any longer. Not after everything that happened. Not after he nearly lost him.

  
“Well, you better promise to make the best of it, nerd,” he said with a whiff of a crooked smile. But then he got serious. “It’s about to get pretty nasty here, Deku. Leave.” With a softer expression he added, “Please.”

_Please, for once in your life, think of yourself and go…_

In the past Katsuki never had used the p-word. Especially not towards Deku. But here and now everything seemed to be possible. Even for him to swallow his pride for a single second to save the only one who ever meant something. Because Deku was the expectation. Kryptonite and superpower all in one.

“What…?” Deku said full of disbelief and shook his head, while he came closer with a reassuring smile on his face. “What are you talking about?”

“Deku – ” Katsuki lifted his hand defensively, about to back away, but Deku was faster. Without thinking twice, he gaped the distance between them and encompassed his hands. In spite of the fact, that he basically could blow them up any second.

“I’m not going anywhere without you, Kacchan…” Calmingly, he brushed over the back of Katsukis hands and looked directly at him. Smiled, even though he probably was scared shitless. Fuck, he didn’t even want to think about it _himself._ How fucking dangerous all of this was – and he wasn’t the cry-baby Deku was!

But it always had been one of Dekus most fascinating traits: No matter how scared he was, when it mattered, he always was brave enough to stand up for it. When it was about others he was nearly invincible! But Katsuki made him vulnerable. He still did.

“I ‘ve been looking everywhere for you and… I’m just so happy, I finally found you. So please… don’t do this.” He clenched Katsukis hands even more and widened the gap between them until there was enough space for him to sink against Katsukis chest.

Katsuki caught his breath. He couldn’t comprehend what was happening right now. What Deku was doing. And suddenly the slender body began to shake. The nerd cried against his chest.  
And Katsuki wanted to curse Deku for it – because _how_ the hell could he _not_ embrace him now?

Shitty nerd…

But there was a nostalgic smile on his face while he thought about this nickname, and because he was tired and exhausted and resigned and happy and weak for the _shitty nerd,_ the blond carefully put his left arm around him. With his other hand he drove through the green curls and damn, he had missed this way too much. Being close to him. His scent. His breath. Hell, even his useless tears that wetted Katsukis dark hoody.  


“You – we have to go”, he urged bitterly, even though he wanted to hold him longer in his arms. Keep him close. But time pressed. More clappers would gather. It wasn’t safe to stay here.

Deku slightly backed away and wiped over his eyes with an apologizing smile. “Okay,” he mumbled before he stood up ton tiptoes and gently cupped Katsukis face. A tear-stained kiss was pressed to his lips. He never had tasted something so beautiful.

Deku smiled shyly after he ended the kiss way too fast and took a step back from Katsuki. As if he still questioned, if he was allowed to do this. Kiss him. Then Deku took his left hand. Held it in place. As if he wanted to make sure, that Katsuki didn’t clap.

As if he fucking would or even think about it for a single damn second now!

  
But he was relieved, when Deku finally started to move. Relived, that he could get him away from here.

“We have to go to a hospital as soon as possible,” Deku mumbled more to himself and gave him a worried side-glance. “To get rid of the explosive in your blood. It’s possible! There are cases of clappers, were it worked… but a public hospital isn’t an option. We need to find someone who’s willing to help _unwinds._ An independent doctor. As soon as possible. But…” He squeezed Katsukis hand and smiled encouraging. “We’ll make it somehow. We always do.” The last part he said directly to the blond. Deku probably didn’t even notice that he said all of this stuff out loud.

Katsuki remained silent and returned the hand squeeze. Clutched to him. To his world. As long as he could.

It was a nice idea. A nice dream. He wanted to believe in it. Wanted to be egoistic enough to follow it.

Yes. There were rare cases of clappers who had been caught alive and whose blood had been cleaned. But afterwards, every single one of them had been unwound immediately. Most clappers were _unwinds_ anyway. And even if they magically found someone who wouldn’t turn him in right away… what next?

It was two and a half years until he turned eighteen. They barely had managed to survive six months before the part pirates got them… what were the odds to get through fivefold of it? Damn right. Not quite zero, but close to it.  
Katsuki wasn’t weak and if this had been about him and only him, fucking hell, he would have tried it. But this wasn’t about him anymore. No, it was about Deku.

Deku, who compromised his damn future… and nearly had payed with his life. And for what? Katsuki glanced at their entangled hands and got his answer. And that was why, because he felt the same, because he was ready to do the same, he knew what he had to do now. Knew he only cold hold him close until he was safe. And then he would let him go. Free him of all the things that held him back. Free him from… himself.

Deku wanted to become a lawyer for _unwinds._ Wanted to change the world in a legal way. Demand human rights and stricter controls of unwinding cases. Toughen laws. Help in a way that wasn’t destructive like Katsuki, but positive like Deku himself. A way to improve the future and not destroy it. He had talked about it countless times. Katsuki used to deride it, but now he admired it all the more.  
If there was someone out there to do this, it was Deku… but he needed to graduate. Return home. Live the life he deserved. With his mom. In a safe place. Not on the run with an _unwind,_ scared to be caught any moment.

Katsuki knew Deku had always been bad at taking care of himself. When they had been kids, he always had bruises and scratches, because of his clumsiness or because he saved the stupid cat in the tree for the thousand time.

That’s why he had to take care of it. Make the nerd finally look after himself. There was no other way. Deku would fight to the bitter end. When it was about others, Deku didn’t know the meaning of giving up – just like Katsuki never knew of it when it was about himself.

But this wouldn’t be defeat. No. It would be his last, his biggest victory.  
Katsuki told this himself at least and he looked away to casually wipe away the shitty tear that absolutely wasn’t rolling over his cheek.

  
They passed another clapper. Katsuki had met him during the short briefing beforehand. Earlier he had shown the emotional variance of an icicle, but now confusion was written all over his face. Katsuki didn’t remember his name, but had dubbed him half-half-bastard, because he had dyed the left side of his hair red and the right one white. Even his damn eyes were heterochrome!

Katsuki glanced insistently at his clapper-colleague and shook his head before he slightly inclined his head towards Deku. The half-half-bastard easily could clap his hands to foil their potential plan to escape. Most clappers were cruel and ready for anything. Showed no mercy, because life had taught them it didn’t get them anywhere.

But this one let Katsuki pass. He just nodded and pointed at his right wrist, as if to tell him to hurry. The blond didn’t know what this guy was thinking, but he seemed to understand that this was important to him. Something he needed to get done. Actually, Katsuki had characterized this guy as classical case of a jerk, because his ‘look at me, I’m a special snowflake’-behavior had pissed him off immediately. Now he was just infinitely thankful – but he would rather die than ever admit it.

  
Deku continued to plan things as they went on. He thought aloud about the best place to go to now. Katsuki didn’t say much. He just gave him some hidden side glances and smiled quietly to himself. Maybe his life wasn’t a total load of bullshit in the end. Maybe he had done some things right. He had to. Else he wouldn’t have gotten this chance to set things right.

He squeezed Dekus hand again. Katsuki was sure it was far enough now. Shit. Why was this so damn hard…?

The blonde stopped to examine his surroundings. He needed a plan.

“Kacchan…? Is everything okay?” Deku surveyed him questioning and he wanted to yell at him to not look at him like that. To not look at him at all. To not make this any damn harder. But the nerd never had known about the effect he had on others. The effect he had on Katsuki.

“Sure,” he said and smiled crookedly. He placed a hand on Dekus head and carefully stroked over it. Then he nodded to the opposing side of the street. There was a small shop. It wasn’t perfect, but should be enough.  
“I just thought about how I’d kill for one of your stupid cold coffees now” he said and didn’t even hid the nostalgic smile on his face. At the same time, he felt like choking on his words.

At first Katsuki had refused to admit, that he somehow liked this way too sugary sorry excuse of a coffee, Deku was so keen on (probably because his idol All Might technically inhaled this stuff too). Inwardly, Katsuki admired All Might too. Everyone knew he was one of the most important members of the _anti-divisional resistance,_ but no one could prove it. He was strong and charismatic and fought for the good in the world, for the _unwinds,_ right in front of these bastards, who just waited for an opportunity to take him out. But All Might always stood his ground. He was a true hero and had earned Katsukis respect a long time ago.

  
Dekus eyes brightened immediately. Money always had been very scarce and this stuff basically the only thing they treated themselves with from time to time (or what Katsuki had lifted sometimes – Deku was way too credulous to ever assume he would steal).

“I saved a bit money… but I think we better save it up. We probably need to pay a doctor soon…”, Deku mumbled and showed a concerned smile.

Well, ouch. His naivety hurt – no, this was the wrong word. It wasn’t naivety, it was… _trust._ He didn’t question for a single second, that they would follow this plan. Go on together.

  
Would Deku hate him…?

Katsuki got rid of this ridiculous thought, because he knew better than that. While fighting off a slight feeling of angst, he fished the money out of his pockets. Gave Deku everything he had left.

“It’s okay. I have more than enough.”

With eyes big as planets, he examined the small fortune in his palms. “Wow, Kacchan, where did you – ”

“Don’t ask,” he said and smiled superiorly. “But you take it now. You’re not the cool troublemaker I am.”

_Take it to buy a train ticket…_

  
“I want the one with lower sugar, got it?” he said and for a moments Deku seemed to think about something. Probably if he should leave it be, but in the end he took the money without asking any further.

“Okay!” He smiled. Seemed happy.

It tore Katsuki apart.                                                          
  
“Wait…,” he mumbled before Deku could cross the stress and grabbed his wrist. Despite the danger he put his arms around him. Inhaled his comforting scent. Gently he cupped Dekus face. Got lost in his eyes for the duration of some heartbeats. Smiled full of grieve.

He wanted to believe in another world, where this could last. Where they could be together. Happy. Katsuki needed to believe in it. That a world like this existed somewhere.

  
“Kacchan, what…?” Deku asked puzzled, but he only shook his head.

“Nothing, nerd,” he said and smiled, before he stole one last kiss. Deku gave in immediately. Pressed against him even more. Against his lips. He tasted like yearning and hope and love. Katsuki probably tasted like farewell.

When their lips parted, he gently brushed over Dekus cheek. Over his freckles he never had counted.  
The blond pulled him closer. Held him too tight but never tight enough.

He whispered words he never had said or thought actively. Said them too quietly, so Deku would probably always wonder if he had just imagined them… but Katsuki hoped he knew it better. Hoped he had felt it.

Everything those three words were never enough for.

  
“Now go already and get my coffee,” he said and grinned challenging.

Deku seemed to recover up from a short state of shock and mumbled defensively, “What? You were the one who stop me and – ”

“Don’t you dare to fuck with me, nerd!” A long time ago his words had been harsh and threatening. Now it was more like a game.

Deku smiled and shook his head. “You’re a dummy…,” he muttered and pretended to be sulky.

Then he leaned to Katsuki and gave him another, fleeting kiss. “I’ll hurry!”

  
With that he finally left and ran over the street, smiling full of genuine happiness.

It was nice, that Katsuki could keep him in mind like that.

Smiling. Happy.  
_Alive._

  
He only allowed himself a few seconds to look after him. Then he began to sprint down the street. Left him behind. Left everything behind. His future. His life. _Everything._

And it felt good and like the right thing to do, but at the same time his damn eyes wouldn’t stop to burn. Pathetic shit. Probably Dekus influence or something… and he wanted to scream, because the thought of him hurt way more than he could bear.  

Still he continued to run. As far as possible. Away from him. He didn’t turn back once. Couldn’t. There was no turning back now. Today his life would end and Dekus would begin. A fair exchange.

At some point he recognized a dual-colored shock of hair in the distance. Red and white. Lord deadpan nodded at him. Katsuki stopped and nodded back. A silent conversation that didn’t need any words.

Katsuki calmed down. He looked into the clear sky. The spring sun radiated. It were the first, warming rays of sunshine this year.

  
He closed his eyes. Smiled. Allowed himself to think about Deku one last time. About lighthearted laughter and shared dreams and kisses full of desire and all the things he never deserved but got anyway.

Suddenly, he felt something strange, like inner peace and an old children’s song crossed his mind.

  
_‘If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.’_

 

Well. Katsuki was happy.

So now he was ready to clap.

**Author's Note:**

> While writing this, I really wanted to change my plans and turn it into a happy or at least an open end... but it just didn't feel right. I think this is the way Katsuki would handle this. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this!


End file.
